…I’m sorry. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t regret a minute of it. I’ve learned so much about myself, and I’m now in a place that I never thought I’d be. We had some great times together – we laughed (well, we corpsed), we cried, and we spent long periods looking at each other in complete and total bemusement.
I think we both need a fresh start.
I mean, look at your ancestry. Lots of well-to-do voices. Money in the bank. People who can produce beautiful prose on demand. Tradition. Hierarchy. A bunch of disingenuous arse-lickers licking the arses of self-appointed egotist arseholes in power.
And then look at me. A person that calls your ancestors a bunch of disingenuous arse-lickers. Someone that regularly (and lovingly) tells his friends to go fuck themselves. Someone that hates rules. Someone that doesn’t know where his next sandwich is coming from for half of the year.
Yes, I’m all for the struggling artist archetype. I know I’m not the only one. I know you have to suffer too.
But I refuse to be a victim any longer. I’m not going to sit around and wait for you to make me an offer I can’t refuse. I’m not investing hours, days, weeks, months – even years of my life – moulding myself around you on the off-chance that you might catch a glimpse of me and hold me in your life for good.
You know I’ll always love you. I love doing you more than anything else in the world. But I’m not sure I can sit back and watch you destroy the things I love any longer.
And I’m not saying this is the end. I know I’ll be back. Whether you’ll have me or not, well, that’s up to you. But I’m not building my life around you any more. You always said that if there was anything else at all that I could do, I should go and do it. I agreed. I promised that if I ever felt like I was in danger of becoming one of those thousands of bitter and twisted individuals that surround you, I would get out.
So in 2019 I’m moving on to other things. New things. Things that I need more than you right now. And I know you don’t need me right now.
I won’t worry about you, so don’t worry about me. We’re both gonna be fine.